Bozo on the Gozo

Preplanning for the trip consisted of getting a passport, visa, packing, booking flights, accommodations, etc.  All things that were new to me.  Finally, the departure date arrived, and I was off on my first international trip, first time in an airport, first time crying at an airport, first time on a plane, first time drinking booze over international water, first time in another country, first time through customs, and on and on the “firsts” go.   

Australia was a good warm-up to travel.  They speak English, have similar food (there’s always a McDonald’s around), and are friendly.  The school handled the logistics for transportation, accommodations, meals, etc.  I felt at home the entire time I was there even though the landscape felt like an alien planet at times (kangaroos hopping around, koala bears in random trees, and ungodly large spiders that can kill you).

After attending the University of Queensland, traveling on the Brisbane River on the “City Cat,” camping in the Outback, snorkeling and scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef, attending my first rugby game, holding a koala bear, staying in my first hostel, and having the best experiences of my life, I realized I had to know more about the world. 

Top activity of the trip was Lone Pine Sanctuary.  Go hold a koala.  They’re the softest, cuddliest, plushest animals I’ve ever held.  I have a huge soft spot for animals, and I immediately wanted one as a pet.  However, I would not recommend trying to steal one... It's frowned upon.

Snorkel / Scuba the Great Barrier Reef – I was on Lady Elliott Island and loved it.  You can get a temporary 30-day scuba certification and go down with a guide.  Hang out with the Nemo, see coral, and swim with white and black tipped reef sharks.  They’re nice, surprisingly.

Go camping in the Outback – I was in Carnarvon Gorge staying in permanent tent structures with a public bathroom in the middle of the camp.  One of my fondest memories is being woken up in the middle of the night by my friend who needed to pee.  On the way to the bathroom from our tent, we ran into a kangaroo, both of us screamed, and I’m pretty sure I wet myself.  Basically, a near death experience.

Go surfing on Bondi Beach – Take a lesson, then get out there, and try and last more than an hour.  “Paddle, paddle, paddle!” Ugh.  It's exhausting.  

Stay in a hostel – I had a week off between the Australian and Fiji part of the study abroad, so I traveled to Sydney with a few other students waiting to go to Fiji.  We stayed in a hostel by the Sydney Harbor (can't remember the name?).  I met people from all over the world, whom I am still friends with today.  I also saw a show at the Sydney Opera House, which I highly recommend if you can get tickets.  And take a harbor cruise.  You get phenomenal views of the Harbor Bridge and Opera House. 

Manta Rays were migrating north toward warm water around the equator, and we had the luxury of swimming with them on a daily basis.  The first time I saw one, it was swimming right at me with its mouth open, and I just knew I was going to be swallowed alive, Moby Dick style.  For those of you who know about manta rays, you know how incredibly stupid (and impossible) that thought was since they’re filter feeders.  But, I proceeded to have a severe panic attack in the middle of the Pacific Ocean anyway.  Right as my heart was about to stop, the manta ray closed its mouth and swam backwards with its white belly facing me, so I could give it a scratch.  An enormous sea creature coming to eat me alive instead just wants to play?  Astonishing. 

The second week consisted of living in a village with little running water and electricity.  My classmates and I were paired up, then invited to stay with a family in the village.  We learned about their culture and assisted with daily chores. 

We also attended their Catholic church services. 

We helped prepare our meals by fishing, catching crabs and clams, and cooking everything right on the beach.  The villagers version of fishing consisted of going into the ocean with a net and forming a wide arc around the shore.  Then, slowly walking inland.  Surprisingly, very effective. 

We made little fires on the beach, threw our daily catch directly into the flames, and then ate fish right out of the coals.  It was delicious.  Afterward, we were invited into the village community “hut” for kava to regroup from the day’s festivities.  Kava tastes like dirt water, so if you can choke it down, it’s supposed to relax you. 

In short:  DO A STUDY ABROAD.  Even if you aren’t in school, take time off and travel.  There hasn’t been another point in my life when I can take off for an entire summer, travel, and not worry about work, school, life obligations, etc.  I regret not taking a year off after college to travel the world, and then worrying about a job in corporate America once I got back.  But, with this being my first real travel experience, I did not know then what I know now.  

London is similar to an old New England town, like Boston, which is to be expected for obvious reasons.  The history was rich since this was the birthplace of our founding fathers, but it wasn’t what I was expecting.  Every corner had some kind of American reminder: Burger King, McDonalds, KFC, and London Square was just like Times Square in New York City but with older buildings surrounding it. 

Of course, London was going to be inundated with American culture as one of the most popular places for Americans to visit.  However, I was clueless and didn’t realize this.  I was expecting another crazy cultural experience like Australia and Fiji, but I was only there a few days – rather than a semester – and planned the trip myself based on all the touristy highlights: Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, changing of the Guard, The London Eye, Tower Bridge, London Bridge, Abbey Road, double-decker sightseeing buses, Sherlock Holmes walking tours (if you’re into those books, which I totally am), etc.  Obviously, the experience was going to be different, but for a redneck girl from the backwoods of North Georgia, I assumed all trips would be as life changing as a semester abroad.  Lesson learned. 

Tower Bridge 

Big Ben 

Next stop, Paris, via the English Channel on the Eurostar at over 200 mph… Not recommended if you get motion sickness. 

Ahhh, the city of love and romance that promises to lead to an enchanting exploration of your inner being.  Umm, how about “NO.”  Paris was filthy.  It’s a mega city, overpopulated with 20+ million people spanning miles and miles of landscape with graffiti, trash, and filth everywhere.  Not exactly what I had in mind when I thought I’d be sipping champagne overlooking the Eiffel Tower from a penthouse suite like all the movies advertise.  Once again, I planned the trip based on all the tourist hotspots: Notre Dame, The Eiffel Tower, The Louvre, Arc de Triomphe, and endless parks and museums.  So, I got out of the trip what I put into it – an endless cataclysm of long lines, over-priced meals, dirty subway stops, packed tour buses, and absolutely zero authentic French culture.

Notre Dame 

Arc de Triomphe 

Champs Ellysees - The equivalent to 5th Avenue in New York City

Every travel experience, whether good or bad, is still an experience.  After my experience in Paris, I have since met locals and spoken with friends, who had a fabulous time, and promise a better experience if I go back.  But for me, I did not enjoy this trip one bit. 

Well, that’s almost true... It was not all bad because of the Louvre.  I could’ve spent hours upon hours (plan at least half a day here) staring at the paintings, sculptures, and history within those walls.  There is so much to see (Van Gogh, Michelangelo, Da Vinci), and even if you aren’t an art enthusiast, you can still appreciate the centuries of history spoken through the artist’s creations.  

If you haven't been to the Louvre, don’t get your hopes up about the Mona Lisa.  It’s tiny, like postage stamp size, and it's covered in plexiglass with a roped off perimeter, so you cannot get too close.

Winged Victory of Samothrace 

Aphrodite 

Outside of the Louvre is a park where you can lay on the grass, open a bottle of wine, enjoy some cheese and baguettes, and reminisce about everything you just saw inside the museum.  It's splendid and was absolutely the highlight of Paris.  

Off to Rome!  A 14-hour overnight train ride is quite an experience.  Remember how I said I loved Sherlock Holmes?  Well, I felt like I was in one of his mystery novels aboard a train where someone dies in their overnight carriage, and then Holmes has to solve the crime prior to arriving in Rome.  I wandered about the meal cars, the sleeping cars, spoke with the conductor, and enjoyed the Tuscan countryside from the windows.  It was bliss. 

Some of the comforts of home on the way to Rome.  "Light" = Diet.

Upon arrival, I finally felt like I was traveling internationally.  The building structures were exactly like I imagined (no sky scrapers, no bright lights) and around every corner was some breathtaking monument from Roman times… The Colosseum, Roman Forum, Pantheon, St. Peter’s Basilica, The Vatican, The Sistine Chapel, Trevi Fountain, The Spanish Steps, and on and on and on the list goes. 

Trevi Fountain 

Spanish Steps 

Roman Forum 

The Vatican City 

Colosseum 

St. Peter's Basilica 

Sistine Chapel 

The Creation of Adam - I know, I know, no pictures allowed.  But, it had to be done.

The streets are like a never-ending labyrinth where the only certainty is that whatever lies around the next bend will be absolutely magnificent.  On every back alleyway, there’s an Italian grandmother yelling at you with a wooden spoon in her hand telling you to eat something in her kitchen, which you wholeheartedly oblige.  Yes, it’s crowded; yes, it’s touristy; yes, it’s overpopulated.  But, who cares?  It’s freaking Rome.  

The food, the sites, the people, the culture. I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.  I wanted to move there, become a gladiator, learn Italian, eat pasta every day, drink bottles of wine for breakfast, and never set foot on American soil again.  Italia ha il mio cuore! 

After arriving into Reykjavik on little sleep and being unsure what I wanted to do, I decided to rent a car on a whim.  Since this was my first time renting internationally, it never dawned on me that an automatic transmission was not the “norm.”  Instead, manual was the standard.  After a harrowing learning experience as a child, I vowed never to drive a manual again (thanks, dad!).  By some miracle, Hertz had a car with an “electric shift”… Whatever that means?  I decided, "What the hell; let’s do it!"  And off I went in a foreign country with a paper map to explore who knows what.  Paper map, you say?  Yes.  International phone plans are expensive, so I couldn’t load up the iPhone and have Siri tell me what to do. 

Best decision I ever made.  Just a few miles (kilometers?) outside the city, the landscape changed into beautiful, green, plush countryside with cascading waterfalls from glacier run-off off jagged cliffs in every direction you turned.

The thing about Iceland is that there are two large glacier caps in the middle of the country; hence the name.  As the spring and summer months approach when there is 24 hours of daylight, they start to melt, and these waterfalls appear everywhere around the island. 

The second thing about Iceland is that there are wild horses running free along the countryside, and they are the most stunningly exotic horses I’ve ever seen.  While my photos have improved over the years, I could never do these horses justice, so I borrowed this picture from my friend, Hope Kirkendall. 

Photo cred:  Hope Kirkendall 

I knew there was a glacier somewhere around where I was driving thanks to my handy-dandy paper map, and I finally found a road leading to Eyjafjallajokull (yes, that's a real word), the closest glacier to Reykjavik.  I hiked up a few hundred yards wearing tennis shoes and jeans, rather than using an ice pick and climbing gear, then decided, after multiple slips and falls, that it was time to drive back.

I stopped off at Skogafoss falls and realized how incredibly sleepy I was from my journey.  I met backpackers hiking down from the falls, who needed a ride into Reykjavik.  I asked if they could drive a stick shift, and they said yes (like, who can’t?).  I told them I would give them a ride as long as they drove because A) I was terrible with this electric shifter thingumajig and B) I needed to catch a little shuteye.  So, these two middle-aged male backpackers took the front seat and the wheel, and I proceeded to climb in the back for a power nap.  About an hour later, they were dropping me off at my hotel. 

If my mother is reading this, I’m sure she’s having mild heart palpitations.  “JESSICA!  You picked up hitchhikers in a foreign country?!  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F^&*#$% MIND?!?”  (I threw the expletive in there myself; my mother would never cuss.)  In hindsight, probably not the smartest way to start this trip, but I was sleepy, and the hitchhikers seemed harmless. 

The next day I was off to the infamous Blue Lagoon.  I had pictured a majestic hot spring with piercing blue water that healed the mind and body after a morning of soaking.  What I got was a commercialized, artificial spa built around a hot spring with lukewarm water and a power plant in the background.  Bummer.  Another Paris experience all over again.

Back in town, I ran into a famous hot dog stand, Baejarins Beztu Pylser.  Evidentially, in 2006, it was voted the best hot dog stand in Europe.  Something about the critics landing in Iceland, starving, and nothing was available / open besides this stand.  So, alas, it won.  

I haven't been to every hot dog stand in Europe, but this particular hot dog was dang good.  Besides myself, the stand has served several noteworthy patrons, such as, Bill Clinton, Charlie Sheen, and Metallica vocalist, James Hetfield.  

The hot dog stand is across from the Harpa music hall.  

Hallgrimskirkja - Largest church in Iceland 

One of the locals told me whale watching was good this time of year.  So, I signed up for a midnight sunset (or sunrise?) cruise to see the humpbacks.  We were fortunate and saw them in the distance, along with Puffin Island.  

Midnight sunset / sunrise.  It doesn't get dark in the summer months, so this is your view throughout the night.  A little strange for your internal clock and sleeping habits, but that's why the pharmacy gods created Ambien.

On a final note, the Icelandic natives are striking.  Not the friendliest people I've ever encountered since tourism is just catching on there, but they're totally gorgeous.  Like, everyone should be a model in his or her spare time.  No joke. 

First stop, Kukova, which is a village of ~700 people and the hometown of my favorite Slovak, Maruska.  Not an easy place to travel to but well worth it.

Maruska took me on an Eastern Slovakia tour for the start of our adventure, which included a stop in Bardejov, a UNESCO World Heritage Site.  The Town Hall Square looked like a postcard. 

We stopped at the Spis Castle, which is the largest castle in Slovakia and one of the largest in Eastern Europe.  It is also a UNESCO World Heritage Site.  

After the castle, we were starved and went for a traditional Slovak meal from Spissky Salas that consisted of various forms of potatoes and cheeses.  This restaurant is in close proximity to the Spis Castle and is a MUST for local cuisine. 

Kosice, the second largest city in Slovakia, is on the way to Budapest, my next stop.  Like I said, I did not plan one single thing for this trip and had no clue I was going to see so much of Slovakia.  It's quite spectacular traveling with a native.

Maruska set-up my solo transportation to Budapest and arranged for me to meet and stay with one of her friends, whom I had never met.  She had to prepare for the road trip to France, and I wanted to see Parliament, so off I went... alone.

I was only there a few days but, quite literally, walked all over the city.  You've heard it before, but do not walk around all day in uncomfortable shoes.  Flat flip flops with no cushion will leave you in need of a podiatrist, massage, and pedicure.    I highly recommend the Gellert Baths if you make the same mistake I did.  

Shoes on the Dunabe Bank honoring Jews killed in WWII.  

This was the best photo of Parliament at night that I could manage since using a DSLR camera was new to me.  I still do not quite understand "night" settings but can sometimes manage to make an evening photo look decent.  This was not one of those times.

Citadella 

As someone who attempts to eat local cuisine at all times while abroad, I tried the cold fruit soup at a Hungarian cafe.  It's spicy - not hot spicy but spice spicy - and was very bizarre.  Generally, Hungarian food is hot spicy, so for all the wimps out there who cannot handle heat, you've been warned.  

After my whirlwind tour of Slovakia and Hungary, the real fun began.  I got picked-up by a passenger van in Budapest with 8 Slovaks crammed into it for the beginning of our 12-hour road trip to Southern France.  I’m not sure I can paint the appropriate picture… But, try and imagine you’re road trippin’ to a college football game in Dallas, TX from Athens, GA with 8 people, whom you just met, in a van filled with luggage where no one speaks English as their native language, and you cannot contribute to the driving because it’s a manual, obviously.  In addition, Siri isn’t telling you where to go, so you’re navigating with an old Atlas between countries trying to find a remote village in the middle-of-nowhere-France.  It was quite an experience, and I recommend everyone try it… once.

Finally, we arrived in Bargemon, where our group of 9 rented a house for the week.  

Every morning, someone (not me, since I sleep like I'm in a coma and hate waking up) would go to the local bakery for croissants and baguettes.  Because of my love affair with carbs, breakfast was a highlight.

Daily, each person was responsible for planning our adventure, so we could see as much of Southern France as possible.  Again, something I knew nothing about and did not contribute to at all... How did I get invited on this trip again?  

Our first adventure was into Provence.  I'm sure everyone has seen pictures on Pinterest of the stunning purple fields where the lavender is being harvested.  Well, this is it.  We missed it... By like a week.  

Our second day we ventured to Lake Croix, which included paddle boats, cliff diving, and beautiful sunsets.  

This picture is one of my favorites of the trip because of the story behind it.  It won't translate if I try and explain, so just enjoy the mountains in the background.  

Sunset across Lake Croix.

People who travel will tell you that by the fifth day of being in a group, most people get grouchy and need some personal space and alone time.  This was that day for me.

After a day of activities, we were all starving and in search of this famous creperie, whose name I cannot remember, that claimed to have phenomenal crepes and spectacular views.  There are two kinds of crepes to choose from, sweet and salty.  When we finally found it, the place was closing down and only serving sweet crepes.  Not quite what I was looking for in a substantial meal after a full day of fun but decided to order a sweet crepe anyway.  When it was delivered, there was a nice black hair on my delectable dessert, so I proceeded to start laughing hysterically until I was crying hysterically.  A mini meltdown ensued.  

Because of my temper tantrum at the creperie, I opted out of the next days plans and hitchhiked to the next village to use their WiFi and catchup on some work.  So, I missed Cafe Van Gogh in Montpellier, which is where Van Gogh painted "Cafe Terrace at Night."  

For the second half of our French vacation, we traveled throughout the Cote d'Azur into St. Tropez, Monte Carlo, Monaco, and Nice.  

The old port of Saint Tropez where the "other half" lives.  

The Blue Coast is very blue but do not expect white sand beaches like you'll find in the Florida panhandle.  Instead, plan on beaches covered in large pebbles (aka rocks) that are killer on the back when you try and lay out.  

Because the water was so clear, we invested in a cheap, underwater camera.  Most pictures are blurry, but some do turn out well.  

Instead of taking the 12-hour trip back to Slovakia then flying home, I flew from Nice into Prague.  Being the huge nerd that I am, I had been dying to see the Astronomical Clock.  

Once again, Maruksa set me up with one of her friends, whom I had never met.  I had less than 24 hours in the city, so we decided to stay up all night to check out the local bars, walk around the city, and site-see as much as possible.  

Until this trip, I compared everything to Australia.  But, after this trip?  This was the vacation to beat.  It's not often you get the opportunity to travel with a native throughout their home country, go on a road trip with her friends, and not plan any of it.  I went places I never knew existed, did not do any of the traditional touristy things, learned about a culture I knew nothing about, met people who will be life long friends, and learned quite a bit about myself and what I thought I could handle.  If you ever get a chance to do something similar, don't think twice and jump on it.

Most people know Amsterdam for the Red Light District and the legalization of marijuana.  You can go into a coffeeshop and come out with a nice high dependent upon whether you’re an Indica or Sativa fan.  For those of you who know me, you can guess which activities I participated in.  For those of you who do not, I will leave it up to your imagination. 

Outside of the Red Light District, there are other attractions in Amsterdam, including the Anne Frank House.  The line was literally out the door, so I did not go inside.  If you're planning on checking it out, pre-purchase tickets.  

I started out my Amsterdam trip solo.  But fortunately for me, two of my American friends happen to be there the same time.  

Token photo in front of the "IAMSTERDAM" sign.  

Remember how I said I made lifelong friends from the Slovakian adventures?  Well, one of those friends met me in Amsterdam for the last night I was there, and we went on a canal cruise.  

Argentinian steak is some of the best in the world and is exported all over Europe. Around every corner in Amsterdam, there's an Argentinian Steakhouse.  If you get the munchies from too much space cake, a nice thick cut of red meat will cure your problems.  

We rented a house on one of the dalmatian islands north of Zadar.  Once again, I just showed up for the vacation, did not help plan one single thing, did not know most of the people, and was the only one who spoke English as their native language.  So, I really couldn't tell you exactly where we were.  

Our group.  Each day, we traveled to different parts of the region and explored various islands, beaches, and towns.  

People say New York City is the city that never sleeps, but I would have to disagree.  Croatia doesn't get going until about midnight.  Most of the port towns have live bands, cafes, and entertainment vendors that are family-friendly until the wee hours of the morning.  

As a side note, you can see that my "night" setting skills on my camera are improving.  

If you order fish, you get the whole thing - bones and all.

My crepe redo!  After the debacle in France, I decided to try another sweet crepe in Croatia.  It was delicious, and I did not have a panic attack.  Win-win.

We rented a boat from one of the port towns one afternoon.  Our captain took us all over various islands for snorkeling, cliff diving, and sunbathing.  

My biggest fear in life is spiders - not heights.  So, if there's a chance to jump off something, I'm in.

Venice.  I've always wanted to visit this historic city, so I planned a view days here prior to going home.  Plus, it's sinking, so I wanted to see it before it's gone forever.  

If you're going to Venice, plan on spending some serious cash, getting lost on their "streets," being packed with wall-to-wall bodies in every direction you turn, and smelling some bizarre odors. 

Because Venice is such a tourist hot-spot, I decided to splurge on my accommodations to try and get out of the "hustle and bustle."  I stayed right on the Grand Canal at the Westin (Thank you, SPG points!).  My view from breakfast was the Santa Maria della Salute.  Talk about luxury.  

One afternoon, the hotel set-up a tour of Murano to check out the glass blowing masters, which was a recommendation from a friend.  The "tour" was really a trap to lure you into their museums to view stunning glass pieces... for purchase.  

I must've been high on life when I was there because I decided to buy a bowl I saw the glass master make.  It's flaked in 24K gold on the base and has an authentication letter as one-of-a-kind.  I way, WAY overpaid for this thing, and I'm pretty sure I saw a similar bowl in one of the many street vendor's shops later that day.  Talk about buyer's remorse.

There are four bridges crossing the Grand Canal with the most famous being the Rialto Bridge.  

If you can find your way around in Venice, you can walk around most of the island in a day.  If you want to check out the popular attractions, such as the Piazzo San Marco, plan on waiting in line at least half the day or pre-purchase tickets.

Venetian Gondola Rides are one of the main attractions in Venice.  Gondoliers take you on a scenic tour of the canals while you sit back and relax with your loved one.  

I decided before I even got to Venice that I was NOT going to ride a gondola by myself because that's lame, and I didn't want to be a complete loser.  Plus, it's expensive (100 Euro), which I absolutely was not going to pay.  

So, as soon as I got there, I rode one.  I talked to my Gondolier in broken English and asked him if I could drive the boat since I didn't have anyone to ride with me.  He said yes, gave me a quick lesson, then I immediately drove the boat into the wall.  I was quickly relieved of my duties.  Overall, it was a fantastic experience, and I highly recommend it.  

Venice is a must-see city in my opinion.  The cheapest option is to stay on the mainland of Italy and take the train into Venice.  

Or, you can opt for the luxurious, expensive feel of Venice by staying on the grand canal, spending a fortune on water taxis and useless bowls from Murano, and taking solo-gondola rides.  

If you’re in need of an all-inclusive resort on the cheap, the Dominican is where it’s at.  Just don’t cross over to the Haitian side of the island, and you’re good.  We stayed at the Occidental in Punta Cana.  

The highlight of staying here was access to the disco bar, Mangu.  Supposedly, the number one dance club on the island, which I support. 

With most all-inclusives, you do a lot of eating and drinking.  Since it's on the house, why not?  

"The Happy Island"  - As you can see, I agree.  

We stayed at the Renaissance, which is not all inclusive unless you stay at least 4 nights.  But, it does have an "Adults only" section and a private island.  

I recommend staying away from the airport.  Otherwise, you will hear the sweet sounds of airplanes landing hourly right above your beautiful beach while you're sunbathing.

We saw a party bus driving around the island that looked inviting.  After some very, very last minute plans, we were able to ride the Kukoo Kunuku for the night.  Definitely check it out.

After a night of party-bus-fun, it's always a good idea to get face paint.  

On Sunday, parts of the island are very quiet.  Fortunately, we found the lively part around Moomba Beach.  We stumbled upon the Jolly Pirates and ended up having an "interesting" evening... that turned into an even more "interesting" night.  

With most Caribbean islands, there are resort areas with very touristy shops, high-end hotels, and expensive restaurants.  Then, you travel inland and see the 3rd world, poverty-stricken, less developed parts.  Aruba and the Dominican were no exceptions.   

But, if you're in need of a cheap, easy, relaxing trip, try an all-inclusive in the Caribbean and plan on going with the flow.

I planned this trip based on recommendations from Trip Advisor, hotels where I could use points, and friend's recommendations.  We stayed in the Sheraton on the Chao Phraya River, so we had easy access to water taxis and could get anywhere in the city.  

The Grand Palace was our first stop and is one of the main attractions in Bangkok.  While on the grounds, your shoulders, knees, and toes must be covered, which makes for some stellar fashion choices.  

The Grand Palace is home to many buildings and consists of 4 sections:  Outer Court, Middle Court, Inner Court, and Defensive Walls.  There are several guided tour options you can buy around the Grand Palace.  We opted for a self-guided tour to ensure we would get lost while inside.  

The Temple of the Emerald Buddha, Wat Phra Kaew, is located inside the Grand Palace and is regarded as the most sacred Buddhist temple.  They're very strict on no photos of the Emerald Buddha, which is carved out of a single jade stone.  

But, being the rule-breaker that I am, I took a photo anyway - just like I did in the Sistine Chapel.  I didn't get away with it this time though.  One of the guards immediately came up to me, took my camera, and deleted the photo himself.

Wat Pho is located right next door to the Grand Palace.  "Wat" = Temple.

The most popular temples are in the same general vicinity in Bangkok.  

Inside Wat Pho is the Reclining Buddha, which is flaked in golf leaf.  

Across the Chao Phraya River is the Wat Arun, or the "Temple of Dawn," which has a great view of the Grand Palace.  

Token photo with one of the thousands of Buddhas throughout the temples.  

View from Lebua Sky Bar, where the Hangover 2 was filmed.  Night settings are continuously improving for my insufficient camera skills.  

Through Trip Advisor, I found Bangkok Day Tours.  After checking out their site, I knew we had to try the "Tiger Temple Breakfast + Elephant Bathing."  Hands down, one of the coolest days of my life.  

First stop, Bridge over the River Kwai, which you might recognize from various movies and books.

Second stop, the Tiger Temple, which is run by monks and is a rescue facility for tigers.  The morning starts with our food "offerings" to the monks for allowing us to view the tigers and have access to their temples.  

Appropriate dress is required, just like the Grand Palace.  

Update:  The Tiger Temple has been shut down due to illegal activity.  Tigers have been abused on the property, illegally bred and sold on the black market, and held in captivity rather than being rescued.  

It's incredibly sad for me hearing this news because I was one of those tourists who believed the monks were truly helping the tigers.  Turns out, I was wrong.  

Next stop, elephant bathing.  

Elephants are revered throughout Thailand, and daily bathing is an important part of their lives.  

***As far as I still know, this facility is rescuing elephants.***

Never-have-I-ever had a water fight with an elephant's trunk in the river Kwai.  Oh, wait.  Yes, I have.  

Our guide, Nan, took over 1,000 photos of our tour with the tigers and elephants.  She was absolutely amazing and knew all the in's and out's to maximize our time with the animals without running into other tours.  I cannot speak highly enough about her, and I would recommend her and this tour a thousand, million, zillion times over.  

BUT, when you are swimming in the river Kwai with the elephants, do no think for one second that it's filtered, potable water.  I swam like I was in a swimming pool; meaning, I was blowing water out my nose and ingested some of it.  That night, I had a severe fever, cold sweats, and felt like I had the flu.

The next morning, I went to a pharmacy and got meds for malaria, antibiotics, and a fever-reducer.  (Side note, you can get drugs over there without a prescription.)  It's a scary feeling being in another country and thinking you're going to die.  But, two days later, I was basically back to normal.  

Floating markets are a big deal in Bangkok.  Some of them are only open on the weekends.  We found a few of them by accident.  But, this was one of the days I was on my death-bed, so I don't remember much of it.

Next stop, Phuket.  Of all the islands in Thailand, I chose Phuket because it's one of the most popular.  A friend strongly suggested we stay on another island, but I didn't listed.  Mistake #1.  

Phuket is like driving along the strip in Panama City Beach.  There are single lane roads, endless traffic jams, and it's the spring break spot for all of Russia.  Literally.  

Patong is centrally located and is a "Red Light District."  You can see ping-pong shows, lady-boys, and find any kind of drug imaginable.  Basically, a mini-Patpong, which is Bangkok's Red Light District.  

I knew I wanted to check out the Ko Phi Phi islands because of the movie "The Beach."  

We chose a guided tour in the airport.  Mistake #2.  There are tons of options for tours, but we chose the first one we came across.  It consisted of all the key attractions, like Monkey Beach.

But, what wasn't advertised was that we would be on a speedboat with 50 of our closest friends all vying for the same photo-ops.  Total opposite from the private Bangkok Day Tour to the Tiger Temple.  

Bird Cage Island.

Long-tail boats docked at the main beach from the movie "The Beach."  

Basically, the same as any Pinterest photo you may find and think, "Amazing!  I must go here."  What you don't see is the thousands of other boats and tours docked on shore.  Trust me, go to ANY other island.  You'll see the same thing sans people.

We still made the most of it, obviously.

While in Phuket, we stayed at the Le Meridien.  This place was killer because it had a private beach, and you could get away from the nonsense.  Plus, they offered cooking classes.  With Thai being my favorite cuisine of all time, I signed up.  

One thing to note: per Thai law, there are only 3 people allowed per hotel room.  You have to pay an extra tax for the third person.  But, 4 people per room is forbidden.  Oops.

The Le Meridien offers wind surfing, yoga, massage, etc.  Being the athlete that I am, I tried out the wind surfing.  Harder than it looks.  

And if you need a massage, go anywhere else.  It's $10 USD for an hour almost everywhere outside the resort.  Personally, I do not like to be touched by strangers, and massages aren't my thing.  But, they're dirt cheap.  And if you're male, plan on getting propositioned for a "happy ending."  

Thailand was so foreign compared to the places I had been previously.  Southeast Asia is a different world with very little American / Western influence.  This trip planted a little seed in my head that I must know more about that side of the world...  Foreshadowing for things to come.

Previously, I had 24 hours in Prague and used that time to stay up all night and see as much as possible.  But, this time, we had a few days, so I had plenty of time to stare at the astronomical clock all I wanted.  

I'm so obsessed with this clock that I got part of it tattooed on my body.  So, there's that.  

And we actually got to go into some of the monuments on this visit - like the Prague Castle.

The only downfall was that we weren't with a local.  So, figuring out the public train system proved to be difficult, and we ended up walking everywhere.

View of the Castle from the Charles Bridge.  

Old Town Square is one of the main attractions in Prague.  There are four centuries of architecture in one place.  It's one of the few places in the world with such a rich architectural history because it was preserved during WWII.  Something about Hitler building a "Museum of the Extinct Race" here, so he never bombed it.  

Cafe Imperial is located inside the Hotel Imperial and is one of the most famous restaurants in Prague.  It's a tad pricey, but the food is solid, and the ambiance is on point.  

Road Trip, Round #2.

After the Iceland car rental experience, I was smarter this time and got an automatic transmission and a GPS.  We thought this would be a quick 5-hour journey there and back.  

But, alas, it's a European road trip, and something I said I would never, ever do again.  The roads were under construction, there was no interstate once we got into Slovakia, and it turned into a 9 hour drive each way.  Hooray!  

Finally, we made it!

On the wedding day, we weren't sure what to expect.  But, I certainly wasn't expecting the evening to start with a shot of vodka, then the family "hand-off" ceremony prior to the church ceremony.

The church ceremony seemed liked a traditional Christian service, but it was spoken in Czech.  So, I really have no clue what went down since my Czech vocabulary is non-existent.  

After the ceremony, we went to the reception site, which started as any normal reception would.  We greeted the bride and groom, ate, drank, and danced.  

Things got interesting when the 2nd ceremony started at midnight.  Traditionally, there is a midnight dance where people pay to dance with the bride.  Then, another meal is served, and everyone continues dancing until the sun comes up.

Slovak weddings last about 12 hours, and that's a short one.  If you leave hungry, you're messing up.  There is non-stop food for 12 hours.  And the drinks are always flowing.  

But, beware.  Ice is not common, so get ready for some warm liquor.  It's especially fun when the non-English speaking uncle makes sure you drink two shots at a time, so there's "one for each leg."  

Traditional Slovak Folk is the dance of choice.  

My dance vocabulary consists of tearing my meniscus in a freak twerking accident and my moves look like Elaine from Seinfeld.  But, after a few shots of Slivovitz, I went for it anyway.  

We met some friends in Barcelona after the wedding for the second half of our trip.  

Park Guell is one of the main attractions and provides some striking views of the city.  It is designed by Antoni Gaudi and is declared a World Heritage Site by UNESCO.  

Gaudi's work is all over Barcelona, including the Casa Batllo.  

Sagrada Familia has been under construction since the 1850's.  Gaudi got involved early on in the design, and it's still under construction.  If you plan on going inside, pre-purchase tickets.  

Another Trip Advisor recommendation was the day trip to Montserrat, a monk monastery.  A cable car takes you up the mountain, then you're free to roam about at your leisure.  

There's a second train that takes you to the highest point for even better views of the Catalunya mountains.  

View from the top.

This photo took at least 89 tries.

Bravo Bike Tours was another Trip Advisor recommendation.  It's a great way to see the city since Madrid is covered in parks and green space.  

Mercado de San Miguel was one of our stops and offers fantastic local cuisine, deserts, groceries, etc.  

Retiro Park is the largest park in Madrid.  Romantics from all of the world propose in the Rose Garden.

Pond at Retiro Park.

Botin, the oldest operating restaurant in the world according to the Guiness Book of World Records.  Known for the infamous suckling pig, I knew I had to try it.  But, having seen the little baby pigs prior to eating one, it was a tad disturbing.  

Fortunately, while we were in Madrid, there was a futbol game going on.  Unfortunately, my sister and I chose to wear Ronaldo jerseys to the game because he's the only player we knew, and he's smokin' hot.  

Do NOT wear a Real Madrid jersey into the Athletico stadium if you're not a die hard fan, who is prepared to fight for their life.  

The Athletico / Real Madrid rivalry is similar to the UGA / UF rivalry with one key difference: we never had riot police standing guard inside and outside the stadium. Athletico won, thank god, or we might've seen the police in action.  

Side note, I took my Real Madrid jersey off about 5 minutes after I walked into the stadium.  No need to get into an altercation over a sports team I know nothing about.  Rookie mistake wearing it inside to begin with.  Oopsie.  

I had never heard of Carmelo until I arrived there after an easy 10-hour overnight flight into Buenos Aires, an hour drive to a port, an hour ferry to Uruguay on the Buquebus, then an hour car ride to the resort.  The first thing I saw were horse-drawn carts as the primary means of transportation.  Hello 1910.

I was invited on this trip, so I did not do any of the planning.  Shocking, I know.  We stayed in the Four Seasons, which was my first experience in one of their resorts.  Swanky.  

*Effective March 31, 2015, this resort is no longer being managed by the Four Seasons.  

When you sign up for a vacation spot in the middle of nowhere that's borderline impossible to get to, you're at the mercy of the resort for activities.  Fortunately, this place had quite a few options including a wine tour and tasting.  

Narbona has a private wine tour, tasting, and restaurant option.  As one of the only things to do in Carmelo, I strongly recommend doing all of it.  

The highlight of Carmelo was the horseback riding tour.  Having barrel raced as a kid (yes, I'm a redneck), my affinity for horses never went away.  

Our guide spoke zero English, so that's always fun.  When I finally figured out how to communicate to the horse in Spanish, we took off in a "galope" through a eucalyptus forest.  For the win.  

Buenos Aires.  While in Amsterdam, I had Argentinian steak, which was scrumptious.  But, there's nothing quite like going to the source.  

If you're a vegetarian, good luck.  If you're into red meat by the truckload, get to Argentina.  

Puerto Madero is a nice area off the waterfront that has tons of restaurants, bars, and nightlife.  We chose La Cabana off a recommendation from the hotel as an authentic parrilla barbecue.  Very tasty and my first time eating cow tongue.  

The Plazo de Mayo is centrally located in Buenos Aires, and you can walk throughout many parks and cathedrals.  Statue of General Manual Belgrano.

Metropolitan Cathedral 

No trip to Buenos Airs is complete without a visit to the Recoleta Cemetery.  Voted one of the best cemeteries in the world, the mausoleum contains above ground graves that cost hundred of thousands of dollars.  You can see caskets through windows and doors, and the insides look nicer than my bedroom.  It's like walking through a little city of death.  

By now, you know Argentina is known for steak.  After digging around for some of the best kept restaurant secrets, I found Steaks by Luis, which offered an authentic asado dining experience and 5-course meal.  It's located in the Palermo district, which has a cool bohemian vibe.  

The first round of starters was mystery meat until after everyone tried it.  I had a small bite of each, which turned out to be small intestines, chorizo, blood sausage, and sweetbreads.  Totally not my thing, and I tried not to gag once each piece was identified.  

The main event was the steak.  Luis, the chef, gets all his meat from a local farmer and cooks it asado-style right in front of you.  You eat together at a long banquet table while Luis speaks with each guest individually.  Overall, superb.  

Starting with wine and cheese, then moving to heavy meat dishes leaves very little room for desert.  But, I always manage to find room for sweets.  Dolce de leche is the flavor of choice and was out of this world.    

Overall, Buenos Aires is large, old, run-down city.  Not quite as bad as Paris, but not as vibrant as Barcelona.  I would go back for the wine and steak, but I would get out of the city and check out Patagonia or Iguazu Falls on my next trip.  

I went on this trip with my best girlfriend and her husband.  Totally normal for the three of us to travel together since I'm the third wheel to their marriage.  We booked places through AirBnB to get the "local" experience, which was my first time using that site.  First stop, Costa Rica Surf and SUP in Playa Santa Teresa.

Word to the wise, ask if the place has air conditioning.  

Surfing.  If you've tried it, you know it's difficult and exhausting.  My first experience was in Australia.  I tried it again in Fiji and Hawaii.  Not the easiest places to learn. Costa Rica was no different.  The waves are non-stop around Mal Pias and Santa Teresa.  But, we had a good teacher, so I crushed it.  (read: got up long enough for this photo.)

Token sunset photo.  

Our roommate, Dave, the kinkajou.  

Second word to the wise, get your standard vaccines prior to traveling to a rain forrest.  Rabies shots are strongly suggested prior to handling wild primates.  And mosquitos are a "thing."  Meaning, if you get destroyed by those little blood-suckers as much as I do, you're going to need 100% deet on at all times to keep them off you.  

*Disclaimer: deet is terrible for your skin and the environment.  (You're welcome, Snake.)

Montezuma Falls is on the opposite side of the Nicoya Peninsula from Playa Santa Teresa.  A friend recommended it for the cliff jumping, so we "drove" there one afternoon.  

Driving in Costa Rica is comparable to being bounced around in a bounce house by small children at a toddler's birthday party.  The roads are gravel AT BEST.  They're rutted, riddled with pot holes, and very few spots are paved.  Make sure your vehicle is 4-wheel drive - especially in the rainy season.  

Again, not afraid of heights.  

Second stop, Playa Samara.  Another AirBnB find that was a full-blown hostel set-up... that did not have AC.  Sleeping in 90 degree weather with 100% humidity in a rainforest is borderline impossible if you're use to having air conditioning blowing on you all night, which I totally am.  Other than that, highly recommend this place.  

Samara is not a touristy town like Tamarindo.  The locals go here to vacation, and none of the big hotel chains have been able to take over because the beachfront property is owned by locals.  It's easier to get here from the Liberia airport than going further south on the Nicoya peninsula, but it's very remote.  

If you want the local experience, which is what we were gunning for, I'd recommend Samara, Saint Teresa, and Mal Pias.  But stay in a place that has AC... Have I mentioned that already?  

After a long journey into Cape Town, we did not have anything set on the itinerary for "must" do our first day.  We knew we wanted to see Table Mountain for the spectacular views, and we knew there were two ways to do it: hike to the top or take a cable car.  

Being the athletes that we are, we decided we were going to hike to the top, then take the cable car back down.  Piece of cake... Right?

WRONG.  First of all, there is no such thing as "hiking" Table Mountain.  You straight-up have to rock climb to get to the top.  These were the "steps" that were an "easy hike" to the top.  They got steeper and steeper the higher we went until we were literally climbing.  The Manitou Incline ain't got nothing on Table Mountain.  WHAT. A. MISTAKE.  

Fun fact: the cable car is not always running.  For instance, when there are Gale-force winds on top of the mountain, the car doesn't run.  Lucky for us, we picked such a day.

About 3/4 of the way up, another pair of hikers told us the car wasn't running.  Meaning, none of the shops at the top were open selling water or food, and there was only one way down: CLIMB.

Once we found out the car wasn't running, we decided to keep going since we were close to the top.  The climb up wasn't terrible except for the whole running-out-of-water thing.  The climb down was murderous.  My legs were jelly, started shaking and cramping, and my quads felt like they were being ripped into shreds.  

If you're going to Table Mountain, find out if the car is running prior to starting your hike and pack enough supplies to last at least a week in the wilderness - minimum.

Since none of us could walk the next day, we decided to take a tour to Cape Point.  The drive south from Cape Town has phenomenal views of the Atlantic and is similar to the Amalfi Coast.  

If you need a guided tour / driver around Cape Town, I highly recommend using Ish.  He's a friend of a friend, who knew all the best places to stop for "kodak" moments.

Side note: Cape Town is really inexpensive compared to the USA.  You can use Uber on the cheap too.

We stopped in Hout Bay to grab a boat to Seal Island.  They run every 15-30 minutes, so there's no need to reserve one prior to arriving.  The only downfall was that we couldn't get onto the island and play with the seals.  

Fortunately for me, there was a guy illegally feeding a seal in the bay that we got to feed and play with.  This seal is a chunkster because of all the tourists (like me) feeding him all day long.

Further South on our drive, we entered the Table Mountain National Park.  The Cape of Good Hope is said to be the Southern most point of Africa.  Cape Agulhas is actually the southern most point, which is about 90 miles south of this sign.   

Inside the same park is Cape Point, which is a Natural World Heritage Site.  You can hike up to the lighthouse or take a train.  It was cloudy while we were there, so we decided to skip the lighthouse and eat lunch instead at Two Oceans.  

During lunch, a baboon opened the door to the restaurant, hopped on the bar, grabbed a glass full of sugar, then ran back outside and ate it.  

Evidentially, this is an every day occurrence.  These baboons will steal things out of your hand and b*tch-slap you if you don't give it to them or if you try and fight them.  

DO NOT MESS WITH THE BABOONS!

Typically, I love animals more than people.  When I go somewhere that has animals, I want an interactive experience (i.e. hold them, play with them, cuddle them).  

So, for me, Boulder Beach (home of the endangered, African penguins) was a little underwhelming.  They're so cute and the babies are really fluffy, but you cannot get close to them.  Believe me; I tried.  

If you're a surfer, I've got one word for you: Muizenberg.  The most amazing sets come rolling in non-stop.  Had my quads not been torn to pieces from Table Mountain and had I known about this town, I would've spent a few nights here and surfed all day, every day.  

Just watch out for the great whites.  Seriously.  There's a "shark watcher" sitting in a hut right by where I took this picture who scans the horizon for fins.  

My favorite place to eat in Cape Town was Beluga.  It's a sushi place, so of course, I got the cooked Ostrich.  Overall, superb.

The #1 reason I wanted to go to Cape Town was to go to cage diving with great white sharks.  Let me repeat, NUMBER ONE REASON.  I mean, have you seen shark week?  All my little heart wanted was an up close and personal encounter with Jaws.  Is that too much to ask?  

Evidentially, it was...  Commence heartbreak.

We booked an excursion with the White Shark Diving Company because of their 98% success rate.  From their site, they suggest planning two days in your itinerary to go in case there is inclement weather and the tour is cancelled.  

Being the exceptional travel planner that I am, I did as I was told and had two available days to go, which turned out to be a good thing since we were rained out on our first day.  

We finally got on the water the second day.  But, I am the unlucky 2%.  We did not see one single shark.  The worst part was that the company knew the probability was slim to none!  They had not had any good sightings in 4 weeks, the water was too cold, the wind was too strong, the tidal waves were not in our favor, so none of the conditions were right for a sighting.  

This was an all-day excursion (2 hour drive from Cape Town, 4 hours on the water, 2 hours back), so our entire day was ruined.  Had I seen one shark, I wouldn't be so upset.  But... we saw nothing.

I was so disappointed in my experience that I wrote a review on Trip Advisor if you want more info.  

To make up for the shark fiasco, I decided to drown myself in wine.  South African wine is highly underrated.  Most countries boycotted exporting their wines until after their apartheid ended in the early 90's.  

We booked a private wine tour that went to 4 wineries throughout Stellenbosch, Franschhoek, and Paarl, which is the equivalent to Napa Valley and Sonoma. 

Being the wino that I am, I'd say South Africa's "wine valley" trumps Napa any day.    

Go to Fairview for the goat cheese, go to Boschendal for the chocolate, and go to Uva Mira for the view.  

Murder capital of the world, AMIRITE?  Actually, I don't think that's true, but the crime rate is seriously high here.  I heard horror stories from friends about people's hands being cut off for their watches during the World Cup in 2010.  

So... we stayed low key while we were in Joburg.  Meaning, we only stayed here for a night because of the way our flights worked out heading back to the states.  We chose the Hilton in Sandton because that area is mostly hotels built for conferences.  

The only noteworthy thing we did was take a tour to the Monkey Sanctuary.  

These monkeys straight-up pick-pocket you.  They're rescued monkeys from all over the world, and some have been trained to pick-pocket by their previous owners.  Others like grooming humans.  I guess I needed to shower that day?

The southern part of Africa is known for "the bush" terrain, which is perfect for safaris and trophy hunting.  (Disclaimer:  I do not support trophy hunting.)  I chose Zimbabwe for our safari adventure because of Victoria Falls, one of the natural 7 wonders of the world.  

There are several options for safari companies to plan the perfect excursion.  I used the Zambezi Safari Company to coordinate this portion of the trip.  Liz Ferreria was my liaision and coordinated transportation, accommodations, activities, etc.  She is absolutely amazing and even worked on her holiday to ensure we got the itinerary we wanted.  I would highly recommend using her in any future plans you may have.  

When planning an African safari, you need to consider whether you want to go in the dry season or the wet season.  There are pros and cons to both.  

In the dry season, wildlife heavily relies on waterholes to survive.  Our first couple nights in Zimbabwe, we stayed at the Victoria Falls Safari Lodge.  This place has an on-site watering hole where animals come to drink throughout the day. 

There are tons of activities in Victoria Falls.  Whether you're a thrill seeker, want a laid back activity, or want a little of both, you can find it here.  

We signed up for a sunset cruise on the Zambezi River, fourth largest in Africa, which was similar to a booze cruise.  Once you're on the river, there are drinks and snacks onboard while you look out for wildlife.  We were lucky and saw hippos, giraffe, elephants, birds, etc.  I highly recommend it for one of the laid back activities.  

Sunset over the Zambezi.  

Another excursion we signed up for was the Lion Encounter.  I was not really looking forward to this considering I've bottle-fed tigers in Thailand.  But, it turned out to be one of my favorites.  

Our guide, Jabulani (JB), is so passionate about lion preservation that his enthusiasm made me love this tour.  

And the lions straight-up LOVE him.

Lion Encounter is rehabilitating lions by partnering with zoos to rescue cubs born in captivity.  You're able to walk with the cubs until they're 20 months old, then they're released back into the bush.  

They take volunteers to assist with rehabilitating the lions if you're interested in living with lion cubs for a few weeks. 

Victoria Falls, AKA "The Smoke that Thunders," is the largest waterfall in the world.  It separates Zambia and Zimbabwe.  You can see the waterfall from the Zimbabwe side while walking through the Victoria Falls park.  

When planning your trip, consider the dry and wet seasons again.  During the dry season, you have a better view of the falls.  During the wet season, there is so much mist that you cannot see down into the gorge nor can you see the falls this clearly.

This area of the falls is almost completely dry during the dry season.  

White water rafting is another activity you can sign-up for.  I'd recommend going in the dry season, so you can see more of the gorge and falls. 

During the dry season ONLY, you can enter Devils Pool, which is on the Zambia side of Victoria Falls.  Those people in the distance are literally sitting on the waterfall.

I knew this was something I wanted to do, but I did not realize it was in another country.  Fortunately, we were able to cram this activity in at the last minute.  

On our last day, we took the first available excursion to Devil's Pool.  We had to go through customs on the Zimbabwe and Zambia side two times (crossing and coming back).  

If you're planning to do this, make sure to get a double-visa for Zimbabwe and do not plan to do this on the day you fly out... Like I did.  

But, it was totally worth the risk of missing our flight back to South Africa.  

Rainbows are full circles.  Typically, you cannot see the full circle.  But, from the Zambia side of Victoria Falls, you can.

Choosing Zimbabwe for your safari excursion also gives you the chance to bungee jump off this bridge, which is the 2nd largest in Africa at 111 meters.  

Thrill-seeker for life.  

The Boma Place of Eating is a must try while in Victoria Falls.  It's an interactive dining experience with grilled-to-order game meat that is out of this world.  I recommend making reservations, so you can confirm your spot.  And make sure to try the warthog and buffalo.  

Another main reason to chose Zimbabwe for your safari is the chance to stay at the Somalisa Camp inside the Hwange National Park (pronounced Juan-gay).  These are luxury tents in the bush run by African Bush Camps.

And they're remote.  You have to drive 2 hours once you get to Hwange to get to the camp.  There is no wifi.  Electricity and water are run by solar power.  It's camping... ish.  

This outfit really knows how to make an authentic safari experience without really "roughing" it.  If you're planning a safari in Botswana or Zimbabwe, use this company! 

Did I mention that these were luxurious?  Like, really luxurious?  I mean, what tent have you stayed in that has indoor plumbing?  

Think, Four Seasons in the middle of the bush... Except the only thing that separates you from the wild animals is a thin canvas.  

Once we arrived in the camp, we were assigned to our safari guide, Albert.  I've never met anyone who is so knowledgeable about wildlife and the bush.  Nor have I met someone with such great eyesight.  

Albert spotted an African wildcat in the middle of the night 100 meters away from our truck.  The only plausible explanation is that he's Superman and has X-ray vision. 

Fun fact, the front of the trucks double as bars.  During the evening game drives, we would find a place to park to watch the wildlife and sunset... all while having a few cocktails.  

Albert's 2nd super power is his mad-skill as a bartender.  

And why wouldn't you serve coffee and snacks during the morning game drives?  

African Bush Camps build their camps around waterholes.  Some of the waterholes are being pumped from underground water sources using solar energy, and some are natural.

The advantage is seeing wildlife from your front porch.  Literally.   

People go on game-drives to try and catch a glimpse of the "Big 5," which are lions, buffalo, rhinos, elephants, and leopards.  

But, for me, it's hard to justify getting up at 5:30 AM for the morning game drive when the animals come to you.

The waterhole protocol is a funny thing to watch, as well.  Most of the herd animals wait to get water until the elephants show-up.  Elephants provide protection from lions, so herd animals (kudu, zebra, wildebeest, sable, etc.) will drink once they feel safe.  

These animals come out in droves once the elephant-bodyguards get there.  

Seriously... Hundreds and hundreds of animals come out of the bush.  

Another "pro" about the dry season is that you will see more elephants throughout the bush.  Elephants migrate to drier climates during the wet season as long as there are waterholes.  So, dependent upon what you want to see during your safari, consider the season.

Side note, mosquitos are not as prominent in the dry season either.  Zimbabwe does run the risk of malaria.  So, your chances of getting bitten in the dry season are less than the wet season.

However, if you get destroyed by mosquitos no matter where you are, such as myself, plan on bringing Deet and taking malaria pills.  

I really cannot speak highly enough about Albert and the African Bush Camp's safaris.  Their outfit knows how to make the "ultimate" safari experience.  

But, the piece de resistance was the food.  The chef prepares a gourmet meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  And he blew my mind with his "sticky date" pudding.  Totally unexpected for meals in the middle of the wilderness.

A combination of Nashville and Bourbon street, Austin is everything you need for booze and live music.  

Main Areas:  Rainey Street for old houses turned bars; Dirty 6th Street for the closest thing you'll find to Bourbon Street outside New Orleans; West 6th for a more local vibe; and East 6th for hipsters, live music, and fabulous brunch spots (Jacoby's or Yellow Jacket Social Club).  

DO:  see the graffiti at Jo's Coffee and Hope Outdoor Gallery, Baby A's for Purple Rita's if tequila is your thing (tequila and I broke up on college, so this wasn't my favorite), and Lambert's for Sunday brunch.  You can try for Franklin's BBQ if you feel like waiting in a 2+ hour line in 108 degree weather.  No thanks.

DO NOT:  see the bats off the Congress street bridge or go to Barton Springs.  Sorry, Austin-peps.  But, the bats were the most underwhelming thing ever (maybe I went during the wrong season?).  And what are you guys thinking with the Barton Springs deal?  It's a rec pool.  At best.

Introducing my favorite meal on the planet: Summer Shack's pan-seared Jasper lobster.  Bostonians don't even know about this place, so get on my level and try it.  

Recommendations:  stroll through the Back Bay, walk the Freedom Trail, eat at the Summer Shack and Yankee Lobster, have dessert at Mike's Pastery (cash only), choose one of the 600 Italian restaurants in the North End, take a water taxi to the USS Constitution, and find a dive bar and eat some chowda' with Tabasco.  

PS - I can eat.

I LOVE snowboarding.  LOVE.  IT.  I tried skiing late in life (college years), then switched to snowboarding because that's what all the cool kids were doing.  Plus, I sucked at skiing.  

My group of friends takes two trips every year.  In December, we go anywhere but Colorado (Whistler, Jackson Hole, Park City, Mammoth).  In March, we go to Colorado.  By far, my favorite place is Breckenridge.  It's a massive mountain with 5 peaks and hundreds of runs.  HUNDREDS.  

Lodging:  Stay around the Four O'Clock run area and use AirBnB or VRBO to book a cool condo.  This area is walking distance to the Snowflake Lift, which takes you to the base of Peak 8, and walking distance to downtown Main Street.   

Restaurants:  The Dredge - cool ambiance, good steaks; Breckenridge Brewery and Pub - great place for a local pint after a long day on the slopes; Hearthstone Restaurant - fine dining, Victorian home, fantastic wine list; Ember - eclectic, modern menu.  

Chi-Town.  Does anyone really call it that?  I'm a big fan of Chicago in the summer.  No way could I handle the cold, windy winters.  

Recommendations:  Willis Tower Skydeck - especially for all you acrophobic's out there; Architecture Tour - great way to see the skyline from the water; deep dish pizza - I tried Giordano's, which, evidentially, is a tourist trap; Portillo's - great hangover food; Wrigley Field for a Cub's game or the surrounding area for local pubs; The Bean, obviously; and the John Hancock building - best view in the place is from the ladies restroom.  Fact.  

I love Colorado.  From the Rockies to Denver to any other place in the state.  

Colorado Springs has a small city feel and endless outdoor activities.  A few highlights:  Pike's Peak, where you can hike, take a train to the top, or camp; Garden of the Gods, which has a fun horseback riding tour; and the Manitou Incline that you absolutely should not hike in a pair of converse when it's snowing.  Trust me.

Having traveled to only three of the six main islands of Hawaii (Oahu, Maui, and The Big Island), the Big Island absolutely is my favorite.  

The Big Island:  One minute you're in a lava field in Kona, the next, you're having a snowball fight on the top of  Mauna Kea, then you're hiking through a rainforest in Hilo to get to a volcano park.  If you can only get to one island, stay here.  Rent a car.  Travel around the island daily.

Oahu:  Do not stay in Waikiki Beach unless you want to be overrun with tourists coming off cruise ships in droves.  Get to the North Shore away from the madness.  Check out the Dole Plantation if you love pineapple as much as I do.  Find Giovanni's shrimp truck for the hottest shrimp you'll ever eat.  No refunds allowed if you cannot handle it.

Maui:  Eat at Mama's Fish House.  After that, nothing else matters.  

As any wino knows, there's only one place for domestic wine.  Napa Valley.  The mother land.  

Wineries:  With over 400 wineries in Napa, it would take a lifetime to try them all.  Each offers vastly different experiences with private tastings, cellar and bottling lessons, tours, meals, etc.  I've made it to 5 wineries in a day, then passed out (read: blacked-out) for 12 hours.  So, just wing-it and try all the wineries that you can!  

Restaurants:  Auberge du Soleil - sit on the porch for spectacular views of the valley; Mustard's Grill - in case you're in need of a mid-afternoon snack; and if you're feeling lucky, try for a reservation at The French Laundry.  

Music.  Music.  Music.  Down every street and in every bar, there is music.  The guy delivering your pizza could be the next Garth Brooks.    There are too many areas (The Gulch, West End, Vanderbilt, Downtown, etc.) to go through everything I love about Nashville.  But, some highlights... 

Food:  Merchants Restaurant for good eats downtown, Party Fowl for legendary hot chicken, and Puckett's for fine southern cookin' like grandma makes.  

Bars:  Broadway Street - The Stage and Tootsies; Demonbreun Street - South (you're welcome for the plug, Beerwolf); Vanderbilt area - Jackson's.  

Where to start?  I've been to NYC quite a few times and have completely different experiences every time I go.  

You can go the tourist route:  Statue of Liberty, Times Square, Broadway shows, One World Trade Center, 911 Memorial, Empire State Building, Financial District, Fifth Avenue, Central Park and just about anything else.  It is the city that never sleeps after all.  

You can go the local route:  Warehouse District for some hidden gems like Catch and rooftop bars, SoHo for some epic shopping, Mets games, and a million other things I'll never know about because the city is so massive.

With the whitest, softest sand beaches and greenest, calmest water of anywhere I've been in the world (so far), the panhandle of Florida is where it's at for a beach vaca.  But, Pensacola has my heart.  My BFF is from there, and we've been going down a couple times a year for almost a decade.  

Bar Scene:  Intermission - owned my by friend's father's high school classmate, it guarantees a fun time; Seville's - combination of SEVEN bars in one that promises you'll get thrown out of one of them by the end of the night; McGuires - home of the Irish Wake and moose kisses.

Grub:  Peg Leg Pete's - for all your seafood needs; Hemingway's - upscale beach scene; Flounder's - low scale beach scene with some solid entertainment on the weekends.  

Southern California is another favorite with San Diego at the top of the list.  The downtown area is the combination of a big city college bar scene that happens to be on the ocean.  

Coronado: No trip to San Diego is complete without a visit to Coronado Island.  Go to the Hotel Del, have a drink on the rooftop bar, and watch the most bad a$$ mother f*ckers on the planet (aka the Navy Seals) train.   

Downtown Attractions:  Gaslamp Quarter for boutiques, restaurants, and bars; The Fish Market for my favorite seafood in the city; and Petco Park for a $5 ticket to the outfield where you can BYOB.

Beaches:  North of the city, you can try surfing, bar hopping, or just passing out on the sand at either Pacific Beach or Mission Beach. 

San Francisco is an eclectic city with even more eclectic residents.  

Of course, you can hit the main tourist hot spots:  Golden Gate Bridge because obviously, Golden Gate Park for a nice stroll to the Japanese Tea Garden, Haight and Ashbury for the origination of the hippie movement, Painted Ladies for the "Full House" fans out there, Fisherman's Wharf where you can watch the seals on Pier 39, The Castro, and a million other things.

Favorites:  Bike ride to Sausalito across the Golden Gate bridge, Buena Vista for an Irish coffee, and any restaurant on any street any where in the city.  Seriously, I never had a bad meal here.

First stop, Perth.  

Background on Perth: 3rd windiest capital city in the world, one of the most isolated in the world, and the majority of females are bitches.  Outnumbering guys by 3 to 1, you'd think females would tone it down to find a male companion.  But, no. 

Maybe it's an American racist thing, but for the most part, I did not meet anyone who was even remotely nice.  

Around the harbor in downtown is Elizabeth Quay.  Costing Perth about $400M so far, it isn't quite the tourist hotspot developers thought it would be.  But, it's pretty to look at and worth a walk-around.

Fremantle, or "Freo," as the Aussies call it because they choose not to pronounce letters and abbreviate everything, is a short ferry or train ride from Perth.  

It's home to Notre Dame University Australia and King's Square.  King's Square is the equivalent of L5P in Atlanta.  Meaning, you'll find lots of hippies, who don't shower and who partake in questionable pastime activities (read: do drugs).

***Not to be confused with King's Park Perth, which is also worth a visit.  

To start our 2 week roadtrip up and down the coast, we stopped in Yanchep National Park for a little koala sight-seeing.  Unfortunately, koalas are not indigenous to the West coast, so this was the closest I got to holding one again.  

***Side note:  Koalas are not bears.  They are marsupials  Do not call them "koala bears" unless you want to piss off some Aussies (Sorry, Chris!).***

AirBnb is my new favorite thing for local places to stay.  This little gem is perfect for walking down Beaufort Street to the hippest bars, cafes, and restaurants.  

Nest stop, Pinnacles.  These limestone formations are great for inappropriate photos.  

When I think of beach towns, I think of strip malls, bars on the beach, and eating pounds of seafood nightly.  After we stayed in Carnarvon, I realized WA wasn't that kind of beach vaca.  

This was legit the nicest accommodations we stayed in throughout our 15 days on the road.  WA is as bogan as it gets.  People drive hundreds of kilometers in their RV's (caravans) and camp along the WA coast.  

I mean, I'm a redneck at heart, so I loved it.  Just not what I was expecting.  

After two days on the road, we made it to Exmouth.  It's the northernmost point of the Ningaloo reef, which is Australia's best kept secret considering Ningaloo is far superior to the Great Barrier Reef.  

If you do one thing in Exmouth, go to this lighthouse and watch the stars on a clear night.  I haven't seen a sky like that since the bush in Hwange National Park, Zimbabwe.  

Due to my remarkable planning skills, I never realized the whole point of the road trip was to swim with whale sharks.  Having had a failed attempt at cage diving with great whites, I wasn't interested in paying money to not see whale sharks.  

But, we signed up anyway with Charter 1.  Fortunately for us, the day we signed up had the shittiest weather they've had all year.  So, after sitting in the water for 6 hours where half the boat was seasick, we successfully saw one whale shark.  HOORAY!

***Whale Shark sightings are better in Coral Bay at the beginning of the season (March / April) and in Exmouth the end of the season (June / July).

If you're thinking about WA for surfing, think again.  There are a few waves in Surfer's Beach north of Exmouth, but it isn't much.  Best to stay south of Perth if you're into that #surferlife.

Working our way back down the coast, our next stop was in Coral Bay.  Hands down, my favorite place.  It's tiny compared to Exmouth, but the reef is spectacular.  

We saw tons of sharks, turtles and manta rays, insane coral, and epic beaches and sunsets.  There's only one backpacker place there, and they only offer salt-water showers, which is perfect for rinsing off after being in the ocean all day.  But, it was still my absolute favorite place.  

PS - invest in a GoPro.  

I'd live in Coral Bay just to watch this every night.  

Side note:  there's no such thing as WiFi in the Outback.  If you're one of those people who needs social media to breathe, invest in a local SIM card.  If you're lucky, you may get a signal in some of the beach "towns."

Shark Bay was our last coastal stop.  It's perfect for one night, so you can see / feed the dolphins in Monkey Mia.  Other than that, there's no reason to stop in.  

WA is covered in national parks.  We finished our trip in Kalbarri (pronounced: "Cal-Berry," because Australia).  Home to "nature's window," it's the perfect place to hike and take fresh-water showers after 2 weeks living in salt water.  

Side note: stay at the backpackers in town if you want to see the cutest dogs on the planet (besides Chunk E., obviously).  

On the way back to Perth, you can stop and see one of WA's pink lakes.  Surprisingly, it really is pink.

Overall, WA is nothing like the East coast.  It's bogan, mostly Outback terrain, locals only caravan parks, and Ningaloo.  If you're going to OZ, go to both sides to really grasp everything the continent has to offer.

And for all the Aussies out there, if you're going to do away with your "penny," then the cost of goods needs to end in $0.05 or $0.10.  Quit rounding up or down and get your shit together.

One of my number one reasons for visiting the SI was to snowboard.  I'd heard the mountains were epic because they're at the treeless alpine level, so trees don't get in the way of the trails.

Since their seasons are opposite (southern hemisphere and all), I caught the tail-end of the snow at Mt. Hutt.  If you're going to board Mt. Hutt, you're going to stay in Methven, a sleepy little ski town similar to a baby-Breckenridge.  

In Methven, we had an awesome AirBnB host, who told us how incredible the drive was to Queenstown, our next stop.  Instead of jumping on a flight, we decided to drive.  Thank God we listened to her because I saw the prettiest landscape of my life on the way.

Good news about NZ, they drive on the left.  But, after a year in Thailand, it was an easy adjustment (ish).  

A few hours south of Methven, you'll run into Lake Tekapo.  This lake is part of a UNESCO "Dark Sky Reserve," which means it's some of the darkest sky in the world and is known for stellar stargazing.  

If you're lucky, you can see the "Southern Lights" while you're there.

The church of the Good Shepherd is a popular tourist location to watch the stars beside the lake.  At first glance, I thought this place was stunning.  But, then we drove further south...

... to Lake Pukaki.  This place is unreal.  It's another glacier lake that's part of the "Dark Sky Reserve" and sits in front of Mount Cook, NZ's tallest mountain.  Like, for real.  It just looks like that.  I know, I know; it looks fake.  In fact, I kept saying that the entire time I was staring at it, "Is this real life?"

The only thing I can promise you about this place is that no picture on the planet will ever do it justice.  EVER.

Further toward Mount Cook is the Tasman Glacier lake which runs into Lake Pukaki.  I probably wouldn't be so obsessed with the SI if it wasn't for this place.  I mean, LOOK AT IT.  Have you ever seen something with water that clear?  Skies that blue?  Landscape so breathtaking?  No.  You haven't.

Just to keep my obsession with the SI going, our next stop was Milford Sound, the eighth natural wonder of the world.  The southern part of the SI sits on a fault line, which has created ridiculous landscapes and fiords.  There are 14 fiords in the area with Milford Sound being the most popular.  

It's about 4 hours from Queenstown on a treacherous road with over 50 avalanche zones.  The best bet for experiencing this place is staying overnight on the Milford Mariner.  It's the only boat with a license to remain in the fiord overnight and was one of the coolest parts of the trip.

Milford Sound is a rainforest and considered one of the wettest places on earth.  After a rain, thousands of waterfalls cascade down the cliffs.  Waking up to this view was nothing short of spectacular.  Once the rain stops, the waterfalls disappear.  

Queenstown is a backpackers paradise.  It's overrun with tourists, who visit then decide to stay forever.  The town reminded me of San Francisco.  It's incredibly hilly and built in a valley around Lake Wakatipu. 

It's also home to any and everything "extreme."  If you can think of something crazy to do, it probably originated here.  The first ever commercial bungee jump was off a bridge in Queenstown.  Since then, they've added one of the world's tallest bungees and the world's tallest bungee swing.  Since I bungee jumped off the Victoria Falls bridge, I opted for the swing.

They're both awesome, but I prefer bungee jumping over bungee swinging.  It gives you more of that "Oh, sh*t, I'm going to die" feeling.  You know, if you're into that sort of thing.

If you know anything about NZ, you probably know that Lord of the Rings (LOTR) was filmed all over the country.  Legitimately, everywhere you go, some part of the country was used in the movies.  And why not?  The place is legendary.

Driving from Christchurch to Queenstown, you will pass thousands of sites used in LOTR.  Arthur's Pass National Park, home to Devil's Punchbowl, is just one of many.

Genuinely, I wish I could say something bad about the South Island, so people wouldn't know how amazing it is.  But, it's impossible to be that good of a liar.  It's nothing short of marvelous, and I envy the people who live there every day.

In short, GO TO NEW ZEALAND.

...Hobbiton.  Going to NZ without going to Hobbiton was not an option.  So, the first stop on the NI was straight to Bilbo's house.  

Hobbiton was originally created for Lord of the Rings (LOTR), then torn down.  It was recreated for The Hobbit trilogy.  Instead of being torn down a second time, Peter Jackson and the farm owner decided to keep it, so tourists could visit.  

Thank God they did because this was one of the highlights of my life. 

The tours finish inside the "Green Dragon Inn," where you can have a pint specifically brewed for Hobbiton.  

The only downside was the time limit.  Tours take 2 hours, which just isn't enough time for a LOTR fangirl like me.  I mean, how could I possibly explore all 44 hobbit holes in 2 hours?!?!

PS - do NOT talk shit about LOTR in NZ.  The Kiwis take serious pride in that movie since it was filmed all over their country, as well they should.

Most people visiting Hobbiton stay in Matamata, the closest town.  But, if you want the real experience, try to stay at a Farmstay.  

We got lucky and were accepted to stay with a family whose farm borders the shire.  Our hosts were amazing and treated us like royalty.  Thank you so much, Graeme and Ros!

West of Hobbiton is Waitomo.  This region is known for it's glow worm caves.  There are over 300 caves in the area with "worms" that glow in the dark. 

Glowing worms are all over NZ.  But, this is the original and is known for the "adventure" surrounding the caves, like: tubing, abseiling, rafting, boating, etc. 

Some of the adventures can get pricey, so here's a little secret for you: There's a free bush walk you can do at night by the Aranui Cave.  We did a guided cave tour, which was awesome.  But, we saw just as many (if not more) glow worms on the bush walk.  

To do the bush walk, you have to stay the night in Waitomo.  Most people take day trips from Auckland and miss it completely.

Plus, if you stay the night in Waitomo, you can stay here:  Big Bird B&B.  If you love animals more than people (like myself), you'll be in heaven.  

This B&B doubles as a petting farm that specializes in everything miniature.  Ann, the exceptionally accommodating host, gives tours of the farm, so you can get up-close and personal with the animals.  

I mean, who doesn't want a selfie with a "geep"?  

*A geep is a cross between a goat and a sheep.  

Rotorua, NZ's equivalent to Yellowstone, is a geothermal hotspot covered in geysers, mud pools, and hot springs.  It's also home to many cultural experiences for Maori people, the indigenous tribe to NZ.

The "buried village" is a popular destination that ends with a hike through a waterfall.  

But, fair warning, it smells AWFUL.  The entire town has the sulfur, rotten-egg smell that NEVER goes away.  

The Rotorua redwood forest is another main attraction in the area.  You can't drive a car through any of the trees like you can in California, but they're still pretty big.

My main reason for visiting Rotorua was to zorb.

Prior to doing it, I had no clue there was water inside the zorb.  But, evidentially, you'd break your neck bouncing around if there wasn't.

Besides LOTR, NZ is known for their rugby team.  The All Blacks (arguably, best in the world) have a silver fern on their flag due to it's significance in Maori culture.  

If you find the fern, it really will look silver on the bottom.

If you want Napa Valley in NZ, go to Napier.  Self-proclaimed art deco capital of the world, it's a stunning beach town surrounded by hundreds of wineries.  Honestly, what more could you ask for?

Most people know NZ for wine that comes out of the Marlborough region in the South Island.  But, if you prefer red wine over white, Hawkes Bay is the place to be.  

Wellington is the capital of NZ, but Auckland is where all the action happens.  It's very similar to Seattle if you like that vibe.

Overall, I love both islands for their own reasons.  But, unfortunately for the North Island, the South Island has my heart.