The time has come to say goodbye to Thailand. My teaching contract finishes in March; I am not going to renew. By the time I leave, I'll have spent 18 months living abroad and accomplished every goal I set out to do prior to moving. Travel More. Work Less.
Bangkok. The first and last place I'll visit in Thailand.
When I get back to America in April, I will have visited 12 countries and had 4 months of holiday out of the last 18. But, let's be honest, those 14 months I was "working" don't really count.
If I stayed in corporate America taking 2-week vacations at a time, it would've taken me 8 years to accomplish the same amount of travel. EIGHT. YEARS. I could keep going with this permanent holiday, but I simply don't want to. Why give up the good life? Because I learned something invaluable when I became an ex-pat: perspective.
Doi Suthep, Chiang Mai.
Doi Suthep, Chiang Mai.
Prior to living in Thailand, I thought I wanted to travel indefinitely. Guess what? I don't. Meeting new people from new cultures all the time is amazing. But, IT IS EXHAUSTING. I need to feel like an American from time to time. I want to be able to have a conversation with someone, who understands everything I say, without having to translate or limit my words. I want access to American food, music in English, menus in English, signs in English, television in English, my car, my dog, my family, my friends.
Don't get me wrong. I still love traveling and will continue to do it until the day I die. But, being on a permanent vacation is not for me.
White Temple, Chiang Rai.
Dragon Temple, Chiang Rai.
Black House, Chiang Rai.
Silver Temple, Chiang Mai.
I also thought I had a stressful job. I did. The crazy part? I MISS IT. I need pressure in my life. I need stress. I need to stay busy. I need my work to matter. Teaching in Thailand does not matter. Grades don't matter. Learning doesn't matter. Nothing matters. As long as you're white and show up for work when you're supposed to, you can literally do nothing and get by as a teacher.
That does not work for me. I came from working 12-hour days in a fast-paced environment where a million things could go wrong on a daily basis. I need that back in my life. No, I'm not drunk. I just learned that it's in my DNA to be a workaholic. Vaca was fun for awhile, but it's time to get back to work before my brain withers away and dies.
Haad Rin Beach, home to the original Full Moon party.
I didn't think America was all it was cracked up to be. I was wrong. Yes, America has problems. But try living in a Buddhist country for awhile... or communist, or socialist, or whatever. I guarantee you will have a new found appreciation for the American way of life and democracy.
Oh, you hate America because of Trump? It's not Trump's America; it's YOUR America. It's everyone's America who bleeds red, white, and blue. It's the land of opportunity. If you dream it, you can make it happen. Period.
Phi Phi islands.
I didn't think my dysfunctional family was as important to me as it actually is. My sister got pregnant and had a baby while I was gone. I missed every single second of it. It hurts. I didn't think it would affect me at all, but I was wrong. Again. Plus, I missed all the atheist, Baptist, Pentecostal religious and political debates my family has during the holidays. Those are pure gold and cannot be missed in the future. In short: Family, I love you, and I miss you.
Khlong Lan Waterfall.
Sticky Waterfall.
Koh Samui.
So, did I "find myself" and become a new person while living abroad? No. Don't be ridiculous. "Finding yourself" is for people who do not know who they are. Moving abroad is something "they" do to try and figure it out. I know exactly who I am. The only thing that changed for me was my perspective.
It is possible I will get stateside and forget about my new found perspective after a few months. I could fall back into the same old, same old, then get fed up and flee the country again. That would be the easy part. I have a teaching certificate that is recognized all over the world. Going back to the travel / work / live abroad life is simple. Who knows? Maybe one day I will?
But, one thing I will not forget is the advice I got before I moved: YOU WILL NOT KNOW UNLESS YOU TRY. You can read all about other people's experiences and their opinions. But, it doesn't mean shit unless you experience it. You'll never know how your life could change or how you'll react unless you have the experience for yourself. You don't have to agree with me. In fact, I encourage you not to. Go out there and get your own damn perspective.
Kamphaeng Phet.
Thailand is everything I thought it would be, and nothing I thought it would be. Moving wasn't the best decision I ever made or the worst. It was a decision that lead me to my goals. Now, my goals have changed. I tried it; I succeeded. Now, it's time to move on.
In the words of Ozzy Osbourne, "Mama, I'm coming home."
Peace out from Pai.