Dear Lord. Kids are terrifying. If you know me, you know my affinity for kids is completely nonexistent. Kids just aren't my thing. And before you state the obvious, yes, I knew teaching involved kids. But, the image I had in my head was more like schools in America. Where there's no touching, no spanking, no hands-on interaction. Just a lesson on the board, give out some tests, then pass or fail the kid at the end of the semester.
Well... I couldn't have been more wrong. Thailand is a whole different ballgame. These kids love to hug and jump all over you, teachers aren't afraid to smack a kid upside the head (literally), and they never pass up the chance to take a selfie... during class.
My first week teaching was absolutely awful. I had a sinus infection that turned into a double ear infection that felt like someone was stabbing me in both ear canals. I was so sick that I went to a Thai hospital... And I never go to hospitals. Fortunately, another teacher went with me to translate (Thanks, Alex!). On top of that, I decided to get third degree burns on my calves by backing into a scooter exhaust. Overall, stellar week.
Scooter burns, aka "Thai Tattoos."
Finally, the first week ended... with an English camp... on a Saturday. And I learned how things are done in Thailand. First, you have to take 4,581,591,813 selfies. Then, you have to take 8,326,728,924 group photos. After two hours of pictures, you can begin the activities, which also involve AT LEAST 29384772398 pictures... I've never seen a 64G memory card fill up so quickly.
I am really tall in Thailand though, which is a first.
After kicking the ear infection, I felt a little more human the second week and had enough energy to actually leave my room. Another teacher (Thanks, Ben!) was kind enough to invite us to a Muay Thai training gym, which was the hottest, most intense workout I think I've ever had... Besides training for a gymnastics meet back in the day.
But, things turned weird again when "sports day" happened at school. In my mind, I was envisioning a "Field Day," where you actually play sports against your classmates since, you know, that's what the name implies.
Evidentially, I have to wear something similar in a couple weeks for the teacher's "sports day"?!
How do you play sports in this attire?
But, alas, we're in Thailand. Sports day here consists of a parade for the students to walk into the stadium where kids are dressed in full pageant gear, or traditional Lanna Thai clothing, and a couple pounds of make-up.
The majority of kids got up at 5 AM to get ready for the parade route, which was supposed to start at 7 AM. I think we started walking closer to 8:15 AM because, obviously, we needed more time for pictures.
Unfortunately, some of these costumes reminded me of Honey Boo Boo, which is more commonly known as "a disgrace to Georgians everywhere."
WHERE ARE THE SPORTS?
Everyone was really pretty, but I still didn't understand how one played sports in this attire?
Then, it hit me... Sports day DOES NOT involve sports. How silly of me! Instead, it's a beauty pageant and an opportunity to take one-trillion-zillion-million photos. The "program" was 8 hours. About 10 minutes of it were actual sports. And by "sports," I mean relay races and 100 meter dashes.
At least for the limited sports that were played, there were winners and losers. It wasn't the "don't keep score; everyone wins" motto some American schools adopt. Because, let's be serious, that's not real life.
So what did I learn these first two weeks?
- You must take 50 of the same exact photo, or it didn't happen.
- Sports days do not involve sports.
- Scooter exhausts are hot.
Can't wait to see what valuable life lessons I learn next week.