I love pandas. LOVE them. And, I’m weirdly obsessed with them to a point where it's probably unhealthy. They’re so cuddly, floppy, grouchy, and cute. One of my “bucket list” items is to hold a panda. There’s only one place in the world you can do it: Chengdu, China, I’m coming for you! The closest I’ve gotten to a panda thus far is feeding it through a cage at the Atlanta Zoo. I had a mini breakdown because I was so happy. There’s video to prove it, but let's not go there...
Most friends of mine in the states know about my obsession. Now, people in Thailand know. Thus, my nickname is “Teacher Panda.” Nicknames are normal here. Most “given” names have a ridiculous number of letters in them, which are impossible to pronounce... especially for a redneck from North Georgia. To make things easy, everyone has a nickname. The most common nicknames for my students are: Creamcake, Nice, Focus, and Gun. Yes, “Gun.”
I think these kids play too many video games.
Nicknames are cultural idiosyncrasies I can handle. No problem. I’m learning to deal with others… like excessive, borderline-psychotic, photo taking. But, alas, I have to draw the line somewhere. Enter the 2 AM field trip to Bangkok...
We were told Friday that the English teachers had to be at school Monday at 2 AM for a field trip to another school near Bangkok. The goal was to learn about their English program since it’s bigger than ours. Ok... I'm an English teacher at this school, so I guess it makes sense for me to speak with English teachers at other schools to enhance our program - even if it means my beauty sleep is interrupted by SIX hours. But, is that what happened? HELLTOTHENO.
It’s 6 hours to Bangkok from our school. After our 2 AM pick-up, we stopped three times for toilet breaks and breakfast before finally making it to the school. When we got there, we were shown a 2-hour PowerPoint presentation – in Thai. Then, we had lunch and LEFT. THAT. WAS. IT. We didn’t even talk with another English-speaking teacher. The Director of the program didn’t speak one word of English. What was the point of having all the English speaking teachers there? A 6-hour drive for a PowerPoint that could’ve been emailed in 0.5 seconds?
50 pictures of us sitting in a room... or it didn't happen.
50 of the exact same picture from the front of the room... or it didn't happen.
3 people taking photos and 1 videoing our class WATCHING a PowerPoint... That's right. WATCHING a screen. Because, Thailand.
But, could we turn around and go straight back? Don't be ridiculous. OF COURSE NOT! That would make wayyyy too much sense. Plus, there was a temple and a wax museum nearby that just HAD to be seen. Along with 5 more stops on the 6-hour journey home, karaoke at the MAXIMUM volume on the bus, and incessant Thai music videos ON LOOP.
Phra Pathom Chedi - largest Buddhist chedi in the world (allegedly)
My life would forever be void had I missed the Thai version of Madam Tussauds...
To say I'm enraged at this point is the understatement of the century. There aren’t enough expletives in the English language to properly portray my annoyance. Plus, I don't do well without sleep. It's best not to talk to me before 10 AM on a normal day because I haven't woken up, yet. But, to wake me up at 2 AM for a 21-hour day for a 2-hour PowerPoint that I didn’t understand one word of? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR @#$&^% MIND?!?!?!?!
My thoughts EXACTLY.
If there’s one thing that will drive me back to America, it’s NONSENSE like this. The only thing that calmed my fury was staring at my desktop background for hours on end, while I was writing this blog releasing my rage (which I DRASTICALLY dumbed-down from the original version), and pretending I was about to catch this little guy.
But, Teacher Panda still needs a Valium.