Have you ever walked outside and felt like your skin was melting off because it was so damn hot?  Did you enjoy that feeling of utter misery?  If so, move to Thailand immediately.

Move to Thailand.  Check.  Train in TEFL (Teach English as a Foreign Language).  Check.  Complete internship in Kamphaeng Phet.  Check. 

Don't come to Thailand unless you like Thai food.  You can find Western food in big cities, but you won't find it in small towns.  Fortunately, Thai food is my favorite cuisine on the planet.  I love it, which is imperative for living in Kamphaeng Phet (KPP).  

America is the greatest country in the world.  Yes, I'm biased.  Yes, I'm patriotic.  Yes, there are problems with America just like with anywhere else in the world.  But, I love it.  Always have; always will.  So, of course I'm going to get homesick.  That happens anytime I travel... Whether it was for an overnight trip for work back in the day or for weeks at a time to another country.  

When I left Chiang Mai for Kamphaeng Phet (KPP), I moved straight into an apartment where most of the other teachers lived.  It was great; I had "Western" world comforts: normal toilet, shower, kitchen, air conditioning, TV, you name it.  But, it came at a price.  It was expensive (relatively, of course).  So, some teachers and I decided to rent a house.  Ummm, not sure what I was thinking?  Perhaps I was consuming copious amounts of Ya Ba when I decided to give up the luxuries of the Western world?  It's quite the... adjustment?  Downgrade?  Bad decision?  All of the above? 

Thailand, the "land of smiles."  I'm sure you've heard this phrase before since Thailand is advertised as a friendly place where people are always smiling and always willing to help foreigners.  Hate to burst your bubble, but that's simply not true.  Most Thais have a resting bitch face that would put Kim Kardashian to shame.  (Yes, I hate myself for making a Kim K. reference.  That whole family disgusts me.)

"For the avoidance of doubt, there is no such thing as 'American English.'  There is the English language, and there are mistakes."  -Elizabeth Windsor

Ladyboys.  This is a Thai phenomenon I will never understand.  I've tried to relate ladyboys to something I've seen before, like Drag Queens.  But, it's not even close.  At times, the Thai culture is so conservative.  PDA is forbidden, and Thai dress codes do not allow you to show your shoulders, knees, or toes.  Other times, it's a free-for-all to do whatever you want, like be a ladyboy.  They're so integrated into Thai culture that no one looks down on them.  Instead, it's totally normal, encouraged, and applauded.  

America is the access highway.  You can get access to anything on the internet.  Literally.  Anything.  From Netflix to HBOGO to Pandora to YouTube to millions of other websites, you can find any movie, television show, music video, and whatever else your heart dreams up.  You can pay for it or pirate it, but you'll always be able to find it.  America doesn't have blocks on the internet from the government like some countries do. 

So, you want to get paid to travel?  Cool, me too.  There are a couple avenues you can take: get an international, traveling sales job, which are few and far between unless you speak another couple languages.  Or, the easier option, teach English.  If English is your native language, it's simple. 

I grew up in a small town in North Georgia.  It was a "white" town.  Meaning, over 90% of the population was white.  This is a fact, so don't get all political and say I'm making racist comments.  Feel free to check the census, then rethink your hyper-sensitive attitude if that offended you.  Seeing someone who wasn't white was a rarity.  I'm white, so I didn't have any clue what it felt like to be a minority in a small town.  But, after moving to Thailand, I'm finally on the receiving end of being a curiosity.  

'Merica.  Land of the free, home of the brave, greatest country in the world.  AMIRITE?  As patriotic as some of our citizens can be, there's some weird shit we do that other cultures just don't get - like owning guns.  (This isn't a gun debate, so don't go there.)

I’m a big fan of logistics.  I like things to be as efficient as possible.  So, I’m constantly analyzing everything, which usually turns into a huge annoyance for people in my life.  (Sorry, guys!)  It’s in my DNA; I can’t help it.  So, I need some guidance here.  Can someone, ANYONE, please explain squat toilets to me?  Like, for real.  Please help me understand this logistical nightmare. 

Let me explain…

I love pandas.  LOVE them.  And, I’m weirdly obsessed with them to a point where it's probably unhealthy.  They’re so cuddly, floppy, grouchy, and cute.  One of my “bucket list” items is to hold a panda.  There’s only one place in the world you can do it: Chengdu, China, I’m coming for you!  The closest I’ve gotten to a panda thus far is feeding it through a cage at the Atlanta Zoo.  I had a mini breakdown because I was so happy.  There’s video to prove it, but let's not go there...

Dear Lord.  Kids are terrifying.  If you know me, you know my affinity for kids is completely nonexistent.  Kids just aren't my thing.  And before you state the obvious, yes, I knew teaching involved kids.  But, the image I had in my head was more like schools in America.  Where there's no touching, no spanking, no hands-on interaction.  Just a lesson on the board, give out some tests, then pass or fail the kid at the end of the semester.  

After two weeks off from a grueling two weeks of training (because, obviously, I needed a vaca after "Hell Week"), I finally found out what school I'm going to, what grade I'm teaching, and who I'll be working with.  It's in Kamphaeng Phet (pronounced: Cam-Pang-Pet).  I'm positive you've heard of it because it's such a hot destination in Thailand for tourists.  

In college, you know how you cram for finals the night before the exam by staying up all night on Red Bull and coffee?  Then, you barely make it to class on time for your final because you're a zombie with no sleep, and you cannot remember one single thing you crammed into your brain for the last 8 hours?  Well, this is WAYYYYY worse than that... Welcome to Hell Week.  

I moved to Thailand to teach English.  It's an avenue to live and work abroad that allows you to travel in your spare time.  Anyone can do it as long as English is your native language.  

I chose Thailand because it's centrally located in Southeast Asia.  There are a million places I want to see on this side of the world, and that just can't happen when you're working for corporate America taking 2 week vacations at a time.  

I'm moving to another country.  Not just any country.  I'm moving to Chiang Mai, Thailand.  I've never been there.  It's vastly different than America.  It's Buddhist.  Women are viewed as inferior to men.  I don't know anyone.  What the actual f*ck am I thinking?